


the maroon hoodie

by mchonda



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Connor is a Good Friend, Feelings, Humor, M/M, bringing back that all lowercase trend, jared is too impatient to woo evan tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mchonda/pseuds/mchonda
Summary: “you kept blubbering about wanting to lick evan and then proceeded to actually try and lick him.”“oh god,” jared moans, feeling nausea creep back up his spine.“but because i’m the amazing friend i am, i detained you and brought you back here so you wouldn’t sneak into evan’s bed or do something equally traumatic.”jared places the half full cup on connor’s bedside table and falls back onto the bed, placing his hands over his face. “this crush might be getting out of control,” he says even though he’s not sure he could be understood behind his hands.(or the one where jared's impatience actually pays off)





	the maroon hoodie

**Author's Note:**

> yikes so i fell down the deh hole and now we're here 
> 
> 1) yes i'll bring back the trend of writing in all lowercase even if it kills me  
> 2) shoutout to nea and emma for cheering me on  
> 3) there's only a very brief, watered down anxiety attack so beware if you need too  
> i fixed the indent issues finally so happy reading 
> 
> now just take my first deh fic and let me know what y'all think 
> 
> xx

jared hates himself. the kind of hate that comes when you’ve had five shots and three beers while watching your big-fat-gay crush try to play pool. he’s watching alana lift evan’s elbow, her mouth moving a mile a minute while evan nods like the studious pupil he is. it’s been an hour of this torture and jared tried to play along like the goddamn amazing friend he is, but he could only lean into evan’s space so many times before he falls apart at the seams. before he gives up and bends evan over the pool table and-

“need a napkin for that drool, dude?”

jared’s body flails before he quickly runs a hand over his chin. it’s dry. of course, it’s dry, what did he really expect? jared slumps over in his seat and tries to glare at the owner of the voice. “i want you to know, i see two of you right now and i hate both of them, connor.”

the muddled shapes that are connor mold back together when he sits down across from him, the sound of his laughter only just barely reaching jared’s ears under the godawful country playing in the bar. he watches connor lean forward only to whine dramatically when connor takes his half-finished beer and replaces it with a glass of water. “whatever you do, don’t drink that water, kleinman.”

it’s only when he’s halfway done with the glass of water that he realizes he’s been tricked. “fuck you, murphy, you know i can’t, like, not do exactly what you tell me not to.”

connor is laughing as he drinks jared’s beer. the bitch. “i think that was a triple negative, impressive.”

“you’re a triple negative,” jared says, the words getting lost in the water he decides to drink again.

“why are you over here slobbering about evan when you could be over there slobbering on evan?”

“i’m not slobbering,” he insists, crossing his bare arms. wait, bare arms. “when did i lose my jacket?”

“you gave it to evan like an hour ago, dude.”

jared looks past where connor is pinching the bridge of his nose – rude – to zero in on the pool table. evan is indeed wearing jared’s maroon zip-up, playing with the sleeves while he’s surrounded by zoe and alana. jared blinks as a fire bursts behind his sternum. it’s not the first time he’s seen evan in his clothes, unplanned weekend sleepovers almost always led to the borrowing of clothes. it’s just seeing your crush in your clothes when sober is one thing, it’s a whole other issue when you’re as drunk as jared is.

“he’s wearing my jacket.”

“i think it’s time we got you home, you lightweight.”

but jared does’t look away from evan and the girls because they are moving. not walking. not shooting pool. moving, shifting – and a lightbulb goes off in jared’s very muddled head. zoe and alana are showing evan a dance move and evan is _following along._ “connor, oh my god, connor. you’re my friend, right?”

“we discussed this, we’re only friends monday’s through thursday’s.”

jared is going to combust. “it’s saturday.”

“semantics. why do you ask?”

“because if you’re not my friend today, that means you won’t stop me from vaulting this booth and accosting evan right now.”

“no! what? don’t do that!”

jared whines watching evan’s uncoordinated hips try to do what zoe’s are doing. “they’re trying to teach him to do the floss, connor. it’s the cutest shit i have ever seen, i want to lick him.”

“not while you’re drunk, you’re not.”

jared finally looks away from evan to stare at connor. connor is leaning forward, hands planted on the table between them. jared may be short and a little doughy, but he’s quick when he wants to be, he knows it, and connor is built like a twig ready to snap at a whisper of wind. jared could take him. “i’m going to lick him,” jared says and throws himself from the booth.

“jared, no!”

“jared, yes!”

* * *

 

when jared wakes up, he’s aware of two things. one, he’s positive he’s dying, like actually dying. his mouth and throat are dry, dry like he spent all night unable to breathe through his nose and it dried up all his saliva. his skull is throbbing like when he was a kid and would let his head hang off the couch for too long and all the blood flooded behind his forehead. his limbs feel heavy and thick like he’s spent hours in a funky position.

two – and the most alarming – is the fact that he’s not in his own bed. he’s not surrounded by at least five pillows and the only comforter in the world that could block out a new york winter. the sheets are silky smooth and the fuzzy blanket he is under only reaches his ankles, which is unfortunate for his poor, cold feet. he doesn’t want to open his eyes and discover he’s in some stranger’s bed, so he pulls his legs up until he’s fully under the pathetic excuse of a blanket and calls out for the person he hopes is around.

“evan?”

distantly he hears movement, and for a blissful moment, he thinks it is evan and evan’s just being quiet because he’ll know jared’s head is pounding because he’s a saint of a boy. then someone is yelling, “morning kleinman!”

jared definitely does not almost start crying. he _doesn’t._ “i hate you, murphy.”

“that’s not what you were saying last night.”

jared yanks the blanket off his head to glare at the blurry blob that he assumes is connor. “maybe in your dreams. where are my glasses? and a gun, to put me out of my misery.”

something hits his face and because it doesn’t knock him out, jared is sure it’s his glasses. which is rude, he thought they were pretty good friends, one would think your pretty good friend would kill you so you could be free of your monstrous hangover. a bout of nausea blindsides him as soon as he shoves his glasses on, and he sits up with a hand over his mouth and eyes pinched shut.

“hell no, fucking drink this, i swear if you puke on my bed, dude”

a glass is forced into his other hand and he hastily drinks from it without a thought of what it could be. it’s just slightly chilled water because connor is a dickhead but, like, a dickhead who takes care of his friends. he also apparently takes drunk jared’s back to his place and lets them sleep in his bed.

once he’s valiantly quenched the urge to puke up his soul, jared’s able to finally look at connor and get his wits about him. “puking averted. why am i in your bed? how drunk _was_ i?”

connor is across the room leaning against the doorframe. he’s already dressed in his emo black skinny jeans and an off-gray shirt, hair pulled up into a bun – which if his hair falls in his face that much why doesn’t he just get it cut? – looking far too put together for whatever time it is. his room is as messy as the last time jared was here, dark colored clothes on nearly every surface and too many punk rock posters on the walls. evan never lets jared leave a mess like this at their place so just looking at it all makes his skin itch.

“you kept blubbering about wanting to lick evan and then proceeded to actually try and lick him.”

“oh _god_ ,” jared moans, feeling nausea creep back up his spine.

“but because i’m the amazing friend i am, i detained you and brought you back here so you wouldn’t sneak into evan’s bed or do something equally traumatic.”

jared places the half full cup on connor’s bedside table and falls back onto the bed, placing his hands over his face. “this crush might be getting out of control,” he says even though he’s not sure he could be understood behind his hands.

“which is why i have a plan.”

the bed sinks down beside him. he drops his hands and looks at connor miserably. “does it involve carving out my dumb heart?”

connor rolls his eyes. “stop being so dramatic.”

“then tell me, oh master of love, what this plan is!”

jared really, really does not like the smile that takes over connor’s face.

* * *

 

date 1 goes like this:

jared fucking hates connor murphy. but he likes evan hansen more than he hates connor so he follows connor’s dumb 10 date plan and asks evan to go bowling. (fucking bowling.) he puts on his best target brand graphic tee – its actually his worst, its some stupid ass fortnite shirt but evan got it for him and like, jared would wear a garbage bag if evan got it for him – and dark jeans. he’s tearing his room apart looking for his maroon zip-up because it was starting to get slightly too chilly to leave the house without some form of long sleeves.

“evan?” jared yells, shoving around all the clothes hanging up in his closet. “evan, have you seen my hoodie, the maroon colored one?”

evan clears his throat quietly from the direction of jared’s doorway. “do you mean this one?”

jared straightens and turns to look at evan, and his brain promptly goes to static. evan has the hoodie in question on, sleeves pulled over his hands looking too fucking cute and nervous in jared’s clothes. “yeah, yup that one.”

“sorry, sorry, i forgot you probably don’t remember being very drunk and giving it to me at the bar and it’s just super comfy but obviously you can have it back,” evan babbles unzipping the hoodie.

it seems connor left out that part of his drunken bar antics last week. evan going to take it off though has jared yelling, “no! no, it’s fine! keep it, yup, i don’t mind. just wanted to make sure the moths hadn’t gotten it or something. seriously, keep it on.” jared cringes inwardly at his vehemence but there’s nothing else he wants than for evan to wear that hoodie for the rest of his life.

evan stops trying to take it off, cheeks slightly flushed and bunched up under a hesitant smile. “are you sure?”

jared’s never been so sure of anything in his life but he absolutely, definitely does not say that. “yes, i’m sure, you numpty.”

evan nods. “are you-are you ready?”

“yeah, i was just gonna go barefoot, you know?” he says, lifting one leg and shaking his pale foot at evan.

there was time in their friendship where evan would have flinched at that and a deep, hot shame would have run through jared’s bones. it took a while for them to get to this point. weirdly, it was connor that helped with it the most. running interference, smacking jared in the head when he took things too far and helping jared get a grasp on how evan’s brain worked because evan himself could never figure out how to explain himself. every time jared let out a loud, sarcastic quip and got rewarded with an eyeroll or a laugh from evan though, it made all the work worth it.

the hesitant smile on evan’s face vanishes as he rolls his eyes with a breathless laugh. “your funeral when you get tetanus,” he says, turning and leaving the room.

jared leans on the closest wall and fumbles for his phone.

 

> _to connor:_
> 
> _thx for telling me i gave evan my jacket_
> 
> _from connor:_
> 
> _i can tell him you use it to jackoff if you want_ _im sure he’ll give it right back_
> 
> _to connor:_
> 
> _step on a lego, murphy_
> 
> _from connor:_
> 
> _now you’re taking it too far_

jared blows out a breath and pockets his phone. he finds an old, well-worn gray hoodie and pulls it on even if he’s slightly sweaty now. once he’s got his converse on – and he makes sure evan isn’t within hearing range – he hops up and down lightly trying to psych himself up.

“c’mon kleinman! it’s just evan, you’re just going fucking bowling. sure, he doesn’t know it’s a date, and sure he won’t know it’s a date at all if you don’t tell him, and sure he’d probably be too nice to let you down if he found out you thought it was a date so you’d never really know if he actually liked you,” jared whispers, the speed of his words picking up with every nervous breath. “maybe you’ll try to hold his hand, wait, no. don’t do that, kleinman, you’ll freak him out. don’t do anything stupid too soon. you’ll have to do this slow. maybe bowling is already too fast, maybe connor was wrong, maybe you should just call if off-“

jared blinks and realizes he’s on his knees, chest heaving while his skin feels hot, too hot. he presses the heel of one hand to his forehead and squeezes his thigh with the other, trying to steady himself. he needs to calm down, he’s aware of this distantly, but finds the feat harder to pull off in practice. this anxiety isn’t new, he’s always dealt with it. he didn’t always know that’s what it was, the way his heart would start racing and he felt the need to keep talking until he could breathe again, making enough jokes that people wouldn’t notice the way his hands were shaking. _you’re a joke, kleinman, having an anxiety attack over going bowling with your crush._

“jared? jared, hey.”

cold fingers touch the hand clenched around his thigh. evan, of course it’s evan. “it’s hot, just really hot,” jared says, trying to laugh and take off his hoodie at the same time. “i’m fine!”

evan is kneeling in front of him, brow pinched in what jared knows is concern. it makes jared’s heart do a little jig of delight. “okay, then why don’t we sit down?”

sit? his knees do kind of hurt from kneeling and the stretch from leaning back on his feet is starting to bother him. sitting sounds good. he leans back until he collapses on his ass, and then brings his knees to his chest. evan sits with his legs crossed in front of jared, brow still slightly bunched up. _some date, man._ jared groans and digs his forehead into his knees.

“what happened, jared?”

“nothing,” he whines. “just good ol’ jared kleinman being stupid over nothing.”

a hand rests on his arm and jared bites the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t shudder. “hey, we don’t call ourselves stupid. we agreed.”

they had but only because it was usually evan calling himself stupid for having panic attacks and jared couldn’t have that shit. “sorry,” he mumbles.

“there’s nothing to be sorry about. do you, um, do you want to talk about it?”

jared looks up and finds evan’s head tilted to the side, wide-eyed and bottom lip caught between his teeth, and jared finds that yes, he really wants to talk about it. it almost chokes him because this stupid crush is the only thing he’s kept from evan since the days of him pretending to not actually be friends with the boy. he’s hated not going to evan with whatever bullshit is going on in his mind since evan came clean about his arm. he doesn’t like secrets between them, hates it more than he hates himself for developing this crush in the first place.

and this is evan hansen, the boy who held is hand in first grade when jared missed his parents so much he cried himself sick. the boy who never asked him to change even when his jokes would scrape too close to evan’s core and make him flinch. the boy who never seemed to realize it was always _jared_ that followed evan like there was a string attaching them together. the boy who’s still wearing _his jacket._

“we don’t have to go bowling if you’re not feeling up to it.”

that makes a laugh burst from his mouth. this boy is going to be the death of him. “i really, really don’t want to go bowling. it was connor’s stupid idea, anyway.”

evan’s nose scrunches up. “what?”

jared shakes his head. he doesn’t want to put himself through connor _the love master_ murphy’s dumb 10 date plan, he doesn’t want to get any of his hopes up only to be told no 10 dates down the road. _right, kleinman, time to grab this shit by the balls._

jared stands up and grabs evan’s wrists to pull him to his feet as well. evan’s making these confused little sounds and jared almost can’t take it. he pushes at evan’s shoulders until he start’s moving backwards. “sit on the bed.”

evan does. “jared, what-“

“no, okay, i’m only gonna get the balls to do this once so just let me not make sense for a minute,” jared begs, and starts pacing the length of his room, wringing his shaking hands.

“yeah, sure, jared. anything you need.”

jared groans and digs his fingers under his glasses to rub his eyes. _this fucking boy._ “okay, okay! you remember like last year when we were on a roll with all the teasing, and i told you to go climb a tree because, like, you know i always tell connor to go step on a lego or tell zoe to step in gum because i think i’m funny? and you were upset, of course you were upset! and i thought you’d hate me, that it would be the final straw and you’d put up with enough of my poor brain to mouth filter but you didn’t. i think our friends were mad at me longer than you were. i just need you to harness whatever the fuck made you not hate me in that moment and use it again now.”

“ _jared_ ,” evan says and shit, he sounds all kinds of choked up. jared looks at evan and finds him with his hands digging into the blanket on jared’s bed. “i could never hate you. that was a mistake, just-just you don’t have to beat yourself up over things like that.”

warmth wraps a steady hand around his heart even as he waves his hands about wildly. “i’m working on it but this isn’t about that one time. look, that night last week when i was super drunk, i wanted to, see i wanted to – _oh my god, kleinman, just say it_ – i wanted to do things to you and that’s why connor like kidnapped me for the night so i wouldn’t do those things while i was drunk. and he sprung his stupid 10 date plan on me when i was hungover and i agreed without thinking it out, which isn’t a surprise honestly because it’s me and when do i think anything through-“

“10 date plan?” evan squeaks, honest to god squeaks.

oh, okay then. jared’s actually saying these things, it’s out in the open and there’s no going back. “yes, but see, you know me better than anyone, and you know i’m too impatient to ever see anything through. and then i started to freak out over bowling because i didn’t know what i was supposed to do on a first date. what do you do if it’s with your best friend and they don’t even know it’s a date? do you hold their hand? do you pay for them? buy them their favorite chili fries? do more gay shit like kiss their cheek and open doors for them? there’s no manual for this shit, evan!”

there’s a beat of silence that jared might choke on before evan’s small – so goddamn small – voice breaks it. “tonight-tonight was a date?”

jared bends at his middle, hands on his knees, willing his heart to stop trying to beat its way out of his chest. evan knows. _evan knows_.

“jared,” evan says and it sounds slightly hysterical.  

from an outside perspective, this may not seem like the fucking bravest shit he’s ever done but it sure feels like it in his head. he’s putting nearly nineteen years of friendship on the line because he realized sometime last year that he really, really wanted to kiss evan hansen. and the thing is, if evan doesn’t feel the same he wouldn’t go anywhere, he wouldn’t stop being jared’s friend because that’s just the kind of person evan is, but jared would know it’s one-sided and that terrifies him. _now or never, kleinman._

“yes! yes, yes, yes, jesus fuck,” jared whines, resuming his pacing and arm flapping. “i’ve had this giant, gay as shit crush on you since last year. turns out living with you really got my heart chugging like the freaking little toaster that could. and i’m just tired of pining, evan, it’s gross. plus i’m probably the most impatient person you know and there’s no way i could make it through all these dates without blabbing and i’m just-i’m sorry if this is really fucking weird for you and i can, like, leave-“

_“jared.”_

he pauses in his pacing and looks over at his bed. evan’s not on it anymore, he’s standing a few feet away from jared with his hands twisted into a knot. he’s still in jared’s jacket too, which is not helping jared’s heart chill the fuck out. evan looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how, and that makes jared’s shoulders slump. _here it comes._ “that’s my name, don’t wear it out,” jared mumbles half-heartedly.

“you, um, you,” evan says before letting out a frustrated sigh like he does when he can’t seem to get the right words out. “you, um, you have a crush? on _me_?”

the way evan says _me_ makes something ignite behind his ribs. he says it like that’s the shocking part, that it’s a surprise that someone could like him. jared really fucking hates it. “yes, you, buddy.”

evan is twitching, body moving in little aborted jerks. he moves his hands to play with the hem of his jacket – jared’s jacket – like he’s about to give a presentation. “but, um, why me,” he says softly.

that’s, that’s really not what jared expected. he expected to be let down gently and asked to maybe move in with someone else for a while. he didn’t expect to be faced with a version of evan he rarely sees anymore, the version that curls in on himself and stutters, and wonders why good things could possibly happen to him. that just won’t do.

“dude, you’re you. you’re evan,” jared says like it’s enough but when he looks at evan, he finds it’s probably not. “okay, okay, okay so you make me coffee when you know i was an idiot and stayed up too late playing video games, and it’s always perfect because you know exactly how i take it. you know every single thing i get from all my favorite food places, and even order it for me sometimes, like on your own without any help. you brought my art project to me in the middle of class when i forgot it, even though you knew everyone would stare at you-you did it for me.

and don’t get me fucking started on how cute you are in my jacket or how cute it is when you bite your nails while doing homework. because biting your nails is gross but i see you do it and my heart does _things_ , that’s who you’ve made me become evan, you dick. and every goddamn day you’re still _here_.” his voice doesn’t crack, it doesn’t. “i like you because no matter how loud and obnoxious and sarcastic i am, you’re still _here_ , with me-“

jared has to shut up because there’s lips on his and okay, yeah, he’s being kissed. he’s being kissed by evan hansen, and it takes possibly a millisecond for him catch up and dig his fingers into evan’s sides. he pushes into the kiss because _holy shit who knew sucking face with your crush was this awesome._ “please say this is you telling me you like me too, hansen,” jared says when he pulls away slightly to take a shaky breath.

evan’s got his eyes closed and his cheeks are slightly blotchy and he’s the best thing jared’s ever looked at. slowly, evan’s eyelids flutter open – and jared’s in an actual disney movie but he doesn’t think he cares – and all jared can do smile stupidly at him. a slow smile spreads over evan’s face and he starts nodding rapidly.

“yeah. yes! yes, i should have led with that. i like you too, jared. a lot.”

jared doesn’t need more than that. this time he grabs evan by the jaw and digs his other hand in _his_ jacket and kisses evan until jared’s glasses fog up. he looks dumb as shit, but evan smiles at him and it’s totally worth it.

 

 

 

             

 

**Author's Note:**

> AYYYYEEEE that was a little rushed but i may make an epilogue or something because i fucking loved writing jared. i hope y'all liked it and if you wanna say hi, leave a comment or come find me @willrolcnd.tumblr.com
> 
> ps the lovely kkamikazed on tumblr made some wonderful art for this fic and you should all go look at it http://kkamikazed.tumblr.com/post/182943773483/hey-bcnplctt-wrote-this-rlly-nice-fic-and-u


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